New Addition To The Strange & Spooky Museum: Abbey Road

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No museum that chronicles all the alleged clues to Paul McCartney’s supposed death would be complete without this little gem: Abbey Road, the 11th studio album by The Beatles. Released in September of 1969, right around the time when the whole Paul Is Dead conspiracy was taking hold, Abbey Road was reported to contain the mother lode of clues, many of which were visible right on the cover.

Here’s just a few of the most popular “clues” said to be lurking on the cover of Abbey Road:

  • The order in which the Beatles are crossing the street, and the way they are dressed, is said to be depicting a funeral procession, with Paul as the corpse. Moving from right to left, the Beatles are said to represent a religious figure (John), an undertaker (Ringo), a corpse (Paul), and a gravedigger (George).

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  • The way that Paul McCartney (or if you believe the rumors, his double) is positioned on the street is also said to hold several clues. For one, McCartney is the only Beatle who is barefoot (which some say is how corpses are buried in India). He is also literally “out of step” with the other Beatles. Finally, he is holding a cigarette in his right hand, which is pointing towards the ground, said to symbolize that the real Paul McCartney is now “in the ground”. Oh yeah, and the cigarette in his right hand is also supposed to be a clue since McCartney was left-handed.
  • Take a look on the left side of the cover and you’ll see a white Volkswagen Beetle (a Beetle, get it?). Upon closer inspection, the license plate of that car reads LMW 28IF. The “LMW” is said to stand for “Linda McCartney Weeps” (Linda McCartney being, of course, Paul’s wife). As for the “28IF”, that is said to mean that Paul McCartney had died at age 27 and that the imposter on the cover was what Paul would have looked like IF he had made it to age 28.
  • Finally, on the right side of the cover is what appears to be a police vehicle with a man standing idly by next to it. The police vehicle is supposed to represent the authorities who first arrived on the scene of McCartney’s fatal car crash, while the man depicts part of the crowd of people who “stood and stared” at the grisly crash rather than help.

Still with me? Good, then flip the album over because there’s even more clues waiting there!

Abbey Road Back Cover

  • Have a peek at the word “Beatles” and you’ll notice that there’s a crack running through it, right near the “s”. This is said to mean that McCartney’s death has literally “fractured” the rest of the group.
  • If you connect the 8 strange dots in front of the word “Beatles”, they form the number 3, which then reads as “3 Beatles”, when there should be 4.
  • Rotating the album cover 45 degrees now makes it appear as though there is an image of a skull immediately after the word “Beatles”. Some take that to represent “death” while others believe that it is supposed to be the skeletal face of Mr. McCartney himself!

Abbey Road Back Cover Rotated

Oddly enough, even though Abbey Road, specifically the cover, would become synonymous with the Paul Is Dead rumor, the songs on the album itself were never alleged to contain any of the infamous backwards/subliminal messages that fans of the rumor were so keen on. Sure, there were attempts to connect lines from some of the songs (most notably Come Together and Carry That Weight), but those were just the straight-forward lyrics. So if you were looking to uncover the real spooky messages, the albums you needed to play backwards were Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band and The White Album.

To see where Abbey Road fits in with all the other Paul Is Dead memorabilia in the Strange & Spooky Museum, click here.

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ONW: Vanilla Ice Heading To Ohio To Break Amish…Or Something

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Breaking news: we have officially begun scraping the bottom of the reality TV show barrel. And producers are coming to Ohio to prove it to you.

The DIY Network (yes, that’s a real network. I looked it up) has announced that they will debut a new show this year, Vanilla Ice Goes Amish. And yes, they mean this Vanilla Ice.

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Although, to be fair, Mr. Ice has grown up a bit since he last assaulted our eyes and eardrums in the early 90s. He still likes to wear shiny outfits, though. Only now, the shininess appears reserved to his sneakers, which he apparently likes to color-coordinate with his hat and tattoos.

Apparently, since Mr. Ice wasn’t very good at building songs (at least songs of his own), he instead turned to building homes, or at least remodeling them, on a recent reality show, The Vanilla Ice Project (again, yes, it’s for real). Given the fact that American citizens apparently can’t get enough of Amish-themed “you really expect me to believe this is real” reality shows like Breaking Amish and Amish Mafia, someone came up with the bright idea that Mr. Ice should travel to Ohio and live among the Amish while learning how they build stuff.

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I can’t stand Vanilla Ice. Most of it stems from the fact that I am a huge fan of the group, Queen, and I’ve never forgiven Mr. Ice for not only stealing (not sampling, stealing) parts of Under Pressure to use in his asinine Ice Ice Baby (so much so that I won’t even link to it), but that he also had the gall to go on national television and deny the songs were the same.

I know, I know, Mr. Ice was eventually forced to give writing credit to Queen on all future releases of Ice Ice Baby, but the whole thing rubs me the wrong way. It goes much deeper than that, though. Not only was this guy annoying, but he wouldn’t go away! Sorry to have to remind some of you of this, but it can no longer be ignored that Mr. Ice was responsible for giving us that mind-numbing box office flop, Cool As Ice:

And now Mr. Ice has returned to haunt us again, in Ohio of all places. Can’t we all just leave Ohio alone for once! I mean, it was looking like we had finally put that whole “Ohio election controversy” thing behind us and were just starting to make some headway into changing people’s perceptions of Ohio (the recent Steubenville fiasco excluded, of course). And now you’re dumping Vanilla Ice on us?

I get it; the Amish are in Ohio. But let’s face it, these are not going to be real Amish people. You honestly think real Amish men are going to be willing to teach Vanilla Ice how to raise a barn? Besides, couldn’t they just tell Mr. Ice “get up really early and bring a bunch of friends” and be done with it? Better yet, since this is reality TV, where everything is staged, move the whole production to California and just film everything in front of a big sign that says “Welcome To Ohio.” The audience will believe it…as much as we believe any of those other Amish-based reality shows.

“Leave the gun. Take the Amish cheese.”

DIY also took the opportunity to let fans of the still-emerging “faded musician makes with the tools” theme know about several other shows in the pipeline. So if Vanilla Ice isn’t your cup of tea, DIY announced upcoming shows that will feature Run DMC’s Reverend Run and even Daryl Hall from Hall & Oates. I guess MC Hammer was already booked.

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Wait! I’ve got it! That’s my new idea for a reality show! A film crew follows MC Hammer as he travels around the US, using his trusty ball peen hammer to rescue lost puppies. Oh, and alligators!  Maybe he uses a duck call to lure them in, too. Then, just before he’s ready to capture a random wayward pet, someone will yell out “please, Hammer, don’t hurt ’em!”.

He won’t, of course. And as Hammer holds the safely secured critter aloft, he’ll shuffle off, stage left, with his oversized Magic Genie pants a-billowing, before hopping into a jacked-up SUV, driven by none other than Vanilla Ice. As he cranks the engine, Mr. Ice turns to the camera, throws a menacing glance, and growls, “we outta here”, peeling out amidst a cloud of dust. And…scene.

Word to ya mutha.

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You can read the full press release from the DIY Network by clicking here.

ONW: Miami University’s Farmer School Of Business To Be Run By Zombies?

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As a long-time fan of The Walking Dead (even though I have to DVR it and watch it when my wife’s not around), I am fascinated with the apparent correlation between that show’s success and the sudden renewed interest in all things zombie. However, if the subject line of a recent e-mail I received is any indication, Miami University’s Farmer School of Business might be taking things to a whole new level by actively pursuing one of the undead to take over as Dean!

At first glance, this e-mail that I recently received appears to be nothing more than a teaser for an article about the school’s search for a new Dean being narrowed down to two people (as well as a reminder about how low interest rates are right now):

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But wait! Something doesn’t seem quite right here. Let’s take a closer look at that headline again, this time with a particular word highlighted (by me):

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“FSB’s search for a new DEAD down to two”? So does this mean that Miami University’s Farmer School of Business has exhausted their search for a new Dean among the living and has now begun looking among the dead? As much as I’d like to think that they are, it appears to be nothing more than a typo that slipped through, as it is fixed further down in the e-mail:

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So while I’d love to start a vicious rumor that the two remaining candidates for the position, Mary Gowan and Kenneth Kavajecz, are zombies, I can’t. However, it is a bit strange that The Miami Student never issued a corrected version of the e-mail. So I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before fans of Alex Jones and Infowars jump on the story and run with it.

To be honest, the whole thing makes me a little sad. I, for one, would have loved to have seen a Zombie Dean. But maybe that’s just because I’ve always had a soft spot for zombies, long before the rest of the world started thinking they were cool. Case in point, I was the one who arranged for a Willis Family Picture to be done with us all walking like zombies in the parking lot of the Monroeville Mall, the location for 1978’s Dawn of the Dead.

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Heck, I even have a sister who claims to have seen an actual zombie once! But that, as they say, is a story for another day!

New Acquisitions For The Strange & Spooky Museum

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The first round of editing for my Big Book Of Ohio Ghost Stories is now on its way back to the editor. Which means I’ve now got some time to start uploading my latest acquisitions for the Strange & Spooky Museum for everyone to see!

In the coming week, here’s just a few of the items I’ll be adding:

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