Ohio Woman Stabs Boyfriend After He Ate All Her Salsa

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God have mercy on the man who eats all of Phyllis D. Jefferson’s cocktail wienies or double-dips in her guacamole — Via Cleveland.com

Since moving here in 1999, I’ve learned a couple of unique dos and don’ts when it comes to living in the Buckeye State. For one, I should never wear anything blue and yellow (“maize” is so subjective) out in public. Also, if I’m ever driving in my car and it starts to snow, I must either slow down to 4 MPH or else speed up to 83 MPH.

Now, it would appear that I need to add something new to my unofficial list of proper Buckeye Protocol: Never, under any circumstances, eat all of an Ohio woman’s salsa.

A 61-year-old Akron man apparently never got the memo, though, because that’s the heinous crime he’s accused of committing earlier this week.

According to Cleveland.com, the man (Cleveland.com is apparently so disgusted with this guy that they refuse to name him and just repeatedly refer to him as “the man”) was sitting in his apartment, watching TV and nomming on some chips and salsa, when his girlfriend, 50-year-old Phyllis D. Jefferson, took offense to his bogarting the condiment-like object.

When the man refused to stop eating the salsa, Jefferson stabbed him in the pelvis with a pen, knocked over the TV, and then stabbed the man with a “small kitchen knife” before fleeing the scene. She was apprehended a short time later on Interstate 77.

Jefferson has been charged with felonious assault and misdemeanor damaging. The whereabouts of the nacho chips are unknown at this time.

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You can read the full article from Cleveland.com here.

Want more Ohio News of the Weird? Check out the archive here.

 

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Ohio Crybaby Bridge Project: 3/30 Roundup

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Here’s all the updates to the Ohio Crybaby Bridge Project that have been made since the last Roundup:

Crystal Springs Crybaby Bridge page added

Egypt Road Crybaby Bridge page added

Fudge Road page added

Fudge Road Added To Ohio Crybaby Bridge Project

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Ghostly reminders of a drug deal gone bad. Bloodthirsty monsters creeping closer to your car. Murderous midgets.

All this, and we haven’t even gotten to the bridge yet!

Fudge Road has long been rumored to be haunted, so it should come to no surprise that the road has its very own Crybaby Bridge, too. What is surprising, though, is that the bridge was one of the last things on Fudge Road to gain its haunted reputation.

So how did the legend get started? Is it really haunted? And what of the story that someone was recently murdered on the bridge?

All of those questions (and more) will be answered when you read about the latest edition to the Project: the Fudge Road Crybaby Bridge. Just give a click here and off you go!

Of course, if you need to catch up on all the other Crybaby Bridges currently on file, or this is your first time here, you might want to visit the Ohio Crybaby Bridge Project home page first.

Egypt Road Joins The Ohio Crybaby Bridge Project

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What better way to celebrate Friday the 13th than by adding a Crybaby Bridge that’s also supposed to be cursed? That would be the case with the infamous bridge in Salem, Ohio.

What’s more, this bridge is one of the few Crybaby Bridges where the stories of murder taking place here just might be true! OK, they are a bit exaggerated, but believe it or not, the body of a murdered woman was recovered right next to the bridge!

So give a click and read all about the latest edition to the Project: the Egypt Road Crybaby Bridge.

If you need to catch up on all the other Crybaby Bridges currently on file, or this is your first time here, click on over to the Ohio Crybaby Bridge Project home page.

Akron Police Searching For “Mystery Pooper”

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Screen Shot 2015-03-12 at 10.14.25 AM

When this report first hit my Strange & Spooky News Wire, I’ll be honest: I read it at least five times, looking for the punchline. Turns out the whole thing is true.

Seems that since 2012 (yes, you read that right), a “Mystery Pooper” has been defecating on parked cars around Akron. And apparently this guy really needs to cut down on his fiber intake because he’s crapped on at least 19 cars to date. One resident had her car “defiled” 7 times!

Dubbed the Bowel Movement Bandit, I think we can also safely assume this guy takes his morning coffee and/or cigarette around 5:00 am as he usually strikes “between 5:30 and 6:30 am”.

Here’s the best part of the story: On Wednesday morning, an Akron resident caught the Bowel Movement Bandit in action (so to speak) and managed to take this photo:

"what, no newspaper?" --via newsnet5.com

“what, no newspaper?” –via newsnet5.com

Sadly, I was imagining someone a bit more limber. But hey, gotta give props to the guy for being really into his work. I mean, I can’t remember the last time I was brave enough to drop trou on a frozen public street before the sun came up…at least not sober.

Akron police are asking for your help in capturing this Fiber One-addicted fella. Anyone with information is asked to call 330-375-2552. And please don’t attempt to approach this guy…unless you’re wearing surgical gloves and carrying some nice antibacterial gel.

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You can read the full report from Newsnet5 by clicking here. There’s video, too, so you can laugh along with the reporters as they try (and fail) to keep a straight face.

Want more Ohio News Of The Weird? Check out the archives here.

 

Crystal Springs Added To Ohio Crybaby Bridge Project

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With a name as tranquil sounding as Crystal Springs, you might be surprised to learn that there are some dark, twisted tales associated with this bridge. But then again, we are talking about Ohio, right? Man, do we love our strange and spooky stuff!

To read all about Crystal Springs Crybaby Bridge, click here. Or, if you need to get a bit more background on this whole Ohio Crybaby Bridge Project that’s sweeping the nation, then give a click here.

 

Sex-Crazed Tokoloshe Attacks South African College!

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DailySunMarch52015

Apparently, when a Tokoloshe attacks, your choices are to scream and flee or climb onto the roof of the nearest building –Via the Daily Sun

It’s going to be hard for me to do a write-up on this without my wife thinking I’ve taken a second job as a porn writer, but here goes.

According to the Daily Sun, a sex-crazed Tokoloshe is running amuck at a small Phaphadi Village, so much so that female students are fleeing in droves. Calling the college a “house of horrors,” it is being reported that “as many as 78 pupils at the college complain of being sore and tired after the super-horny little man with the huge 4-5 abused them” (BTW, “4-5 is South African slang for “penis”, although I have no idea why).

The Daily Sun article then goes into great detail about the Tokoloshe’s exploits, which results in these amazing nuggets:

  • “Many of them (the students) claimed they were virgins when they came to the college but have since lost their virginity to the Tokoloshe.”
  • “The girls are tired of having sex every night with the short man and are looking for accommodations elsewhere in the village.”
  • One girl stated that when you wake up the morning after being attacked by the Tokoloshe, “your punani is not happy” and “it feels as if you have poured pepper on it.”

When reached for comment, the owner and director of the college disputed the claims and said the whole thing was “fabricated by those with a vendetta against me.”

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If you’re just dying to get more graphic details about sex with a Tokoloshe, complete with multiple references to “5-6” and pepper-seasoned punani, you can read the entire article from The Daily Sun here.

Want to bone up (sorry) on my stories about the Tokoloshe? Check out my Tokoloshe archives here.

 

 

Ohio Crybaby Bridge Project: Monday 3/3 Roundup

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Here’s all the updates you might have missed this past week:

Chillicothe’s Crybaby Tunnel page added

Crying Bridge page added

Interface Death – Forgotten Spirits II: Legends of Ross County documentary added to the Additional Information section of Crybaby Tunnel

Photo added to Brubaker Road Covered Bridge

Pitchin Crybaby Bridge added to the Master List