When this report first hit my Strange & Spooky News Wire, I’ll be honest: I read it at least five times, looking for the punchline. Turns out the whole thing is true.
Seems that since 2012 (yes, you read that right), a “Mystery Pooper” has been defecating on parked cars around Akron. And apparently this guy really needs to cut down on his fiber intake because he’s crapped on at least 19 cars to date. One resident had her car “defiled” 7 times!
Dubbed the Bowel Movement Bandit, I think we can also safely assume this guy takes his morning coffee and/or cigarette around 5:00 am as he usually strikes “between 5:30 and 6:30 am”.
Here’s the best part of the story: On Wednesday morning, an Akron resident caught the Bowel Movement Bandit in action (so to speak) and managed to take this photo:
Sadly, I was imagining someone a bit more limber. But hey, gotta give props to the guy for being really into his work. I mean, I can’t remember the last time I was brave enough to drop trou on a frozen public street before the sun came up…at least not sober.
Akron police are asking for your help in capturing this Fiber One-addicted fella. Anyone with information is asked to call 330-375-2552. And please don’t attempt to approach this guy…unless you’re wearing surgical gloves and carrying some nice antibacterial gel.
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You can read the full report from Newsnet5 by clicking here. There’s video, too, so you can laugh along with the reporters as they try (and fail) to keep a straight face.
Want more Ohio News Of The Weird? Check out the archives here.
Damn James,
This guy is nuts!!! I¹d be afraid of my junk touching the frozen metal of the car. Then I think about the kid in school who gets his / her tongue stuck to the swings or monkey bar pole in the playground during recess You guys have all kinds in Ohio Oh, by the way I like your site! Do you do it all yourself or do you have help with it I can see myself spending hours there during a sitting following links to different stories. But not now because I¹m at work
I hope all is well with you and your family.
Sincerely,
Your cousin,
Mikie Johnston Boca PC Tech Sent from my MacBook 10516 NW 57th Court Coral Springs, FL 33076 MikieJonFL@att.net (561) 302-5993 Please consider the environment. Print only when necessary.
From: “The Strange and Spooky World of James A. Willis” Reply-To: “The Strange and Spooky World of James A. Willis” Date: Thursday, March 12, 2015 at 10:19 AM To: Mikie Johnston Subject: [New post] Akron Police Searching For ³Mystery Pooper²
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