The Voices of the Weird!

I’m a weird guy. As long as I can remember, I’ve bit a little bit weird. And you know, I like it that way. “Normal” is boring. But for most people, they like to think they’re normal. Well, I have news for you. Over the years, I’ve discovered that if you give perfectly normal people a cell phone, a bunch of them are going to suddenly started acting really, really weird.

I don’t know what it is about a ringing cell phone that makes people drop all their filters and turn into giant Mr. and Mrs. Microphones, bellowing out their private conversations in public places for all to hear. The best are the people who talk about the most intimate of things in the loudest voice possible, never once taking into consideration that there are dozens of people within earshot, all shaking their heads and giggling…or being totally grossed out, depending on the topic at hand.

Keep in mind, I’m never eavesdropping when I hear these things. I have got way better things to do than to sit around and listen to other people’s cell phone conversations. No, these are things that I’m forced to hear because the person is standing right next to me, ¬†talking in a voice so loud that I can’t help but overhear. You know the kind of phone conversations that I’m talking about; the ones where they’re talking so loud that if they end their sentence with a question, you have to stop yourself from answering it.

Years ago, I’d get mad and annoyed at these people. But then I started noticing that since you were only hearing one side of the conversation, if you took what Mr./Mrs. Microphone was bellowing about out of context, what they were saying was pretty funny…and weird. So much so that I felt this snippets of conversation needed a name. And how they have one for they are the Voices of the Weird.

I used to just make a mental note of these conversations and then tell my wife about them later so we could have a hearty chuckle. I even started writing the best ones down. But there just got to be too many of them. It was then I realized that maybe others would find these amusing, too. And let’s face it, if there’s something this world could use a lot more of, it’s hearty chuckles.

So I’ve decided to share the snippets that I’ve collected with all of you out there. They’ll be short, sweet, and of course, weird. But if they accomplish nothing more than bringing a brief smile to your face, then they’ve served their purpose. Of course, if it gets a couple of people to think twice before blurting something bizarre into their cell phone when they’re out in public, all the better. But for now, I’ll settle for just making you guys smile.

Oh yeah, and I’ve got a bit of a backlog of these quotes, so there will probably be a bunch of them popping up shortly. No worries if you miss a couple, though. I’m in the process of creating an archive of sorts for them, so keep an eye out for the “Voices” link that will eventually make its way to the navigation bar along the top of this page.

A Mr. Microphone ad, for those of you too young to know how badass these were
–From Wonderful Wonderblog

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